The Interblogs

Dear Friends,

I used to think that I spent way too much time on the internet. Now, however, after my surgery, I know I do. FIGURE A is an approximation of my daily internet activity.

If news and videos and geekiness isn’t enough to bog down all of my free time, the Twitter/Facebook Infinite Loop Syndrome is a horrible phenomenon. If it’s 3:00am and nobody seems to be updating their Facebook or Twitter, you’re still not out of the clear. The internet is so big, you can always find something to do to waste your day away. (Refer to FIGURE B)

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click for a larger image of FIGURES B and C

When one becomes tired of looking at pictures of LOLCATS, searching for ways you can GEEK TO LIVE, or sending out a GOOGLE OF EMAILS, according to FIGURE C, there are plenty of online communities you could join. If you can’t find one that appeals to you, I’m sure if you only waited 5 minutes, 10 more would crop up. But it’s not enough to join an online community, for it to be enjoyable, you have to develop relationships with online counterparts. Don’t forget the rules of online friends, though. You can’t go from stranger to stalker — you have to progress through the ranks. (Refer to FIGURE D)

So in conclusion, I REALLY NEED A LIFE OUTSIDE OF THE INTERNET.

Sincerely,
Paul Hargrave

PS — One day, everything I do on the internet will be governed by Google. I’m pretty sure that one day I can check the history of my bowel movements. Huzzah, Google!